So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
