I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
