Nicole vs. Life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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