The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
