Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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