I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mom said you looked used
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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