Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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