Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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