shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
