How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
