matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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