That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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