is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
