saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
