as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize