My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
