Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
