Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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