my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
