Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
