It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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