But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
