just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
