his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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