I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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