she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
