Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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