Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
