you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
