This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
