Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
