you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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