Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize