She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
