do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My balls are so social today.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize