Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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