I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
