So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
