Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
