I'm lost and stupid without you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
