So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
