i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
