I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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