stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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