i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
