nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
