She's JV to your varsity
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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