6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
