I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
