I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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