Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
