Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
