yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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