Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
