found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
