OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
