My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
