What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
