Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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