Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
