I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
