Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
