Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
