I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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